Rayven's Hellish Life

well. . . i had a party on the 9th, bought $70.59 of booze (UV blue, blue raspberry, UV lemonade, Captain Silver, and cause I'm stupid, margarita mix). . . Drank about $12 worth of said booze, BARELY got a buzz and had a horrid time for the most part. . .

the party was on MY birthday, but it was for both myself and my sister (her's was on the 8th, but she's 2 years younger then me)
Anyway, normally I'm an introvert, so i barely have any friends. ._. so all in all out of maybe. . . 13 people that showed up, i was close friends with maybe 4 of them. the rest of them were my sister's friends that i knew only because they were Her friends.

*sighs deeply* i hate to even say this part as well, but aside from two Mcfarlen's Dragons that my friend Yusho got me (half on request), I got no gifts from any of my other friends or sister ( yeah their broke, and it's rude of me to say that i was expecting something, but I'm a greedy whore damn it!! DX )

Anyway. . . yeah, one of the worst birthdays ever i think. . . my 21st birthday was spent drinking booze I BOUGHT at my sister's house with no presents. . . -_-

it's not all bad though, my mum is taking my sister and I and some friends out to The Old Country Buffet this Saturday as a mini b-day party after the fact, since she wasn't here (she was back at home in Starbuck. I've been at Yusho's for the past two weeks now, going home on Sunday i believe)

*sighs again* venting sucks, but it must be done. . .


EDIT!!!: i forgot to mention that i got to kick someone in the crotch and gut at the party XD;; he begged for it~! so i obliged ^^; i kicked him pretty hard too X3

As the title says, I'm putting certain matters that happened on FA (fur affinity) behind me for now, these matters shall remain nameless, if you're on FA you should know full well what matters I'm talking about.

Anyway! on to other things now, I'm in search of a job, possibly looking to work at the local Target, or maybe the Holiday station near me, only problem is due to transportation.

With my mum working two jobs, I'd be having to work on a very set schedule that coincides with hers in order to get to and from work. and with winter coming, there is no way in hell that I'm walking x.x (Minnesota winters are the worst, i don't care what you say)
I'm in desperate need of my drivers license, as well as my own vehicle, but in order to do both I need to remedy my job situation first x.x

Still suffering from separation anxiety from when my mate went back home (2 weeks ago)..... still being haunted by sleepless nights and scrambled thoughts about our future together since i proposed while she was here, the wedding isn't going to be for a couple years, but it still looms dangerously, yet enticingly over head.

My artist's block still hasn't subsided despite the countless ideas clamoring inside my head for attention and their imminent and hopeful release, constant mini-migraines are the norm lately, and I've tried getting rid of them in various ways (most of them include headache meds and staying in my dark den of a room)

Still looking for ideas on how to color my poke-morph Mewbachi, as well as getting her a new name. any ideas are appreciated. (pictures of her are located in my FA gallery)

Other then that my life's been pretty peachy, though extremely boring, Chaska isn't that fun of a place to live when you don't have a car x.x

yet another sleepless night.... this is day 2 of it since my fiancee` headed back to virginia cause of her job (otherwise she said she would & wanted to stay) I keep looking at my bed asking... Nay, 'Telling' myself to lay down and attempt to grasp the elusive temptress known as sleep, but alas she doesn't come.... I think part of me is afraid to sleep in my own bed for fear of waking up and realizing everything was a dream, or for fear of not seeing her smiling face when i wake up to her voice....

Our departure from one another was bittersweet.... both of us had found our other half after 6 long years of waiting, and now we are torn from each other for a time because of the callings of RL... it is sweet because i can talk to her over the phone and I'll be seeing her again in 6 months when she flies me down to stay with her as a gift for my b-day. but at the same time it's bitter because i cannot hold her in my arms, nor feeling her heartbeat against my chest when she lays atop me... I cannot feel her breath on my skin at night to sooth me, or see her smiling face when i wake...

I don't think i can last the 6 month wait until my flight down to see her again, and then the 6 months after that when she comes back up for a permanent visit...

*sighs and rubs his weary eyes* love is so confusing and hurtful at times, i wonder if it's even worth it.... then all i have to do is look into my mate's eyes and i see the reason why i put up with it.

omg omg omg omg! Finally! the day is almost here where me and itty_bitty_chi meet in person! x_x

GAWD! I dunno what to do! well i know what i Should do, I should CLEAN MY ROOM! x_x T-T she'll be here in 6 days and my room looks like a tornado passed thru it, that and i have to bring my dresser up into my room (5 months after moving into this new place XP), set up my TV ontop of that, clean my bed sheets and or change them completely.... (Loves his satin sheets and doesn't wanna change them! T-T) and douse my room with inscence and air fresheners x.x

I'm So F***ing Nervous!! I wish i was 21 and had the money for a stiff drink or two..... or 6 x.x

Those of you that don't understand why I'm as nervous as I am, Here's the deal.

I've known this woman for 6 years of my life, she's been there for the majority of hardships in my life and I've been there for her as well (atleast I hope i've been there for her)
Her and I have been there for eachother during the loss of both of our exes, her ex was killed in the line of duty over seas, and mine..... well, mine dissapeared... *sighs* well anyway I found out about a month ago, that she wanted to break up for awhile and not even come up to visit. Luckily I convinced her otherwise and we're back on better terms and back as a couple. I also found out the reason for this sudden burst of wanting to push me away... (and got an earful on the subject in the process) She thinks I'm irritating at times, but she doesn't know why, she also finds that irritation as a reason for her to stay with me, so it's both a repelling and attracting quality of mine x.x That confused the hell outta me X3
next in line, i find out that (despite what i had thought) her mum had no idea that she was planning on leaving VA to stay for a week with me here in MN, let alone that she was talking to me over the phone.
So yeah, Ahmose's been getting an earful on that matter from her mum, but since she's 19, her mum really has no say in the matter

ooooooh! I'm so nervous! but in an awesome belly tinglingly spectacular way! Wish us luck everyone, hopefully if this goes as i hope I'll have a fiancee` by the 25th

Old news but I still care.....
As a lot of people already know by now, but I don't care, Steve Irwin "The Crocodile Hunter" died September 4th, 2006. he was 44 yrs old when he was fatally wounded from a sting ray barb to the chest.

Some of you may not care about him for whatever twisted reason, but that's your deal. He was my hero, he opened my already broad view of the animal kingdom even further then what it was. I used to watch his shows all the time as I was growing up...
That morning on Sept. 4th, my whole day shattered before it even started...... It was 9/11 all over again for me... I was speechless, I was woken up to this tragic news by my sister and I couldn't think of anything to say about the death of my hero.... I spent the majority of that day and the past few days crying my eyes out and hiding in my room (not that i don't hide in my room any other day mind you)

Several artists on Fur Affinity made beautiful tributes to him in the form of drawings, paintings, and even one furre that composed one of the most awe inspiring pieces of tribute music I've ever heard...
It's hard to believe he's actually gone. I knew he'd be killed by an animal, but you would never have guessed it would be a stingray that'd get him, and he wasn't even messing with it, he just swam above it alittle too close.....
The only consolation that I can give myself and maybe to his family, friends, and other fans is the knowledge that he wasn't afraid of death as long as he could get his message out and save the world's wildlife in the process......
I just hope that his memory doesn't fade with the passing years, and that his message isn't lost.... he was a great spirit on this world and he deserves every ounce of recognition that we can give him..... *sniffles and whimpers as he wipes away his tears*